We Always Were Alone
by wanderingninjas
Summary: What would have happened to Beth if Quinn Fabray hadn't been Christian? Set to the words of Ben Folds Five's "Brick." ONESHOT


**Title: **We Always Were Alone

**Author: **GleeLover77

**Rating: **PG-13

**Character/Pairing: **Finn/Quinn. Told from Finn's POV.

**Spoiler: **Preggers

**Length: **Oneshot

**Summary: **What would have happened to little Beth if Quinn Fabray hadn't been Christian? Set to the words of Ben Folds Five's "Brick."

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Glee or any of its characters, as much as I wish I did.

**Author's Note:** **1**. THIS IS NOT A PRO-ABORTION FIC. I'm just going to put that out there right now. I do not support abortion at all. After listening to "Brick," I felt like I just had to write this. That is all. **2**. While Quinn is with Finn in the story, the father of the baby is undetermined. It could be Finn, it could be Puck, hell, it could be Kurt. But that's not the point.

* * *

_6 am. Day after Christmas.  
I throw some clothes on in the dark._

_The smell of cold,  
Car seat is freezing.  
The world is sleeping and  
I am numb._

The soft but insistent beeping wakes me from my troubled sleep. I roll over, and the clock reads 6:00 AM. My heart hurts. Slowly, as if in a dream, I get up and throw some clothes on without bothering to turn on a light. Later, I'll discover I'm wearing an Alice in Chains shirt backwards with a pair of camouflage army pants. Like it matters.

The moment I step outside, the cold stings my cheeks like I've been slapped. But it feels good. I deserve this for what I've done to Quinn. The car seat is freezing too, but that's also welcome. It feels like the proper wakeup call into the world of reality. Regardless, I still feel as if I'm sleepwalking. Or maybe it's just because the rest of the world is sleeping off Christmas all around me.

As I pull into the driveway of her house, I am numb.

_Up the stairs to her apartment.  
She is balled up on the couch.  
Her mom and dad went down to Charlotte.  
They're not home to find us out.  
And we drive._

My body screams at me to turn around as I begin to climb the trellis on the side of the big house. Just as she promised it would be, the window at the top is wide open. I slip through it easily as I had done so many times before. Even though I know her parents are in Charlotte, I tiptoe through the room into the next. I almost start balling when I spot her curled up on the couch shoved into the corner of the room.

Quinn looks up at me with wide, broken eyes. Silently, I take her in my arms and guide her downstairs. Her hands shake as she slowly unlocks the front door. I barely remember to grab a coat for her as she slips out the door. She takes it but does not put it on.

Still without a word, she gets into the car. And we drive.

_Now that I have found someone,  
I'm feeling more alone  
than I ever have before.  
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly._

I thought that maybe it would hurt less to actually look at her, to be with her. I thought I'd realize again this was the best thing to do. I don't. I'm more alone and in more pain than I have been in before.

During the drive, I allow myself one glance at her. I wish I hadn't. Quinn is watching me, and one look into her green eyes makes me feel like I'm drowning again.

_She's a goddamn brick, _I think.

_They call her name at 7:30.  
I pace around the parking lot._

_Then I walk down to buy her flowers  
and sell some gifts that I got.  
Can't you see?  
It's not me you're dying for.  
Now she's feeling more alone  
then she ever has before._

Quinn is shaking in my arms as we wait. Finally, her name is called at 7:30. I stand to go with her, but she only pushes me away. Of course.

So I leave the building and start to pace the parking lot. After only a few moments, I feel that familiar feeling of impending insanity starting to creep into my bones. For lack of anything better to do, I walk into the grocery stores across the street and buy flowers. She'll probably hate me for it.

I check my watch. 7:45. Still ages to go. I grab some gifts I got and I sell them. I have no need for a guitar. Music just doesn't sound the same anymore.

8:00. What to do now? I sink to ground and grasp my head as a painful memory begins to seep into my conscious. In it, Quinn tells me she is doing this for me. I know now she isn't. It's never going to be me that she dies for. She's too alone now to die for anyone.

_She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly  
off the coast and I'm headed nowhere.  
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly._

I'm drowning again from the weight of her. She might be getting rid of it but it makes no difference. I'm still going nowhere. She's a brick, heavy with the weight of everything that has happened to her, weighing us both down. I wouldn't care, except it makes the drowning all the slower.

_As weeks went by,  
it showed that she was not fine.  
They told me: Son, it's time to tell the truth.  
She broke down and I broke down.  
Cause I was tired of lying._

After that everything is over quickly. The weeks go by, and I see that Quinn is dying on the inside, even if she tells me she is fine. Everyone tells us to tell them what's going on. My mom, her parents, our teachers, everyone. They insist on the truth.

We both broke down. I'm too tired of lying to care what will happen.

_Driving back to her apartment,  
for the moment we're alone.  
She's alone.  
I'm alone.  
Now I know it._

Quinn is silent as I drive her to apartment she rented when her parents kicked her out. Even my mother wouldn't let her live with us. Another wave of hatred for myself washes over me.

I stop in the lot, and we are alone. She is alone. I am alone.

We never really were anything but alone, even before.

And now I know it.

We always were alone.

_She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly  
off the coast and I'm headed nowhere.  
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly._


End file.
